Before coming to Christ, I was not a pleasant person to be around. I only thought of myself and how to make my day better. I would try to find out people’s secrets through gossip so that I could use it against them if they upset me. Even my friends were scared of making me mad.
I was raised in the Roman Catholic church and I believed that memorizing passages and doing good in front of people made me a Christian. The thing I was forgetting was to apply these memorized passages and the good I did in front of people, to my heart.
Before coming to Christ, I was utterly alone. I was taught not to ask for help, to be on my own, and not to inconvenience other people’s lives but to focus on living a righteous life of which I would not be ashamed. While my mother is a Christian, there was not much focus on the Gospel or love in my family. God’s love to me, at that point, was a mere concept.
Like many Korean children, doing well in school was not just an option, but an obvious default. I had to be the top of my class without any parental guidance, supervision, or support. I still remember the day when I received “just” high honours instead of the highest honours. The moment my name was called out for high honours, turned into a day of disappointment and discouragement. My disappointment grew deeper when I saw how systems and people – especially those who helped others or those who were kind to others – were cheated, often by those they helped or trusted. Despite everything, I always prioritized truth and integrity, but reality did not align with my beliefs and I, completely blind to my own sin and failures, became disgusted.