I live in a world of constant worry – worry that I won’t measure up to somebody else’s perfect standards. I’ve always cared about what everybody else thinks, but never thought about what I wanted. Over my adult lifetime, this perfectionism held me back from many life experiences, friendships, and a true relationship with God.

Growing up as a child of immigrant parents, the guilt from living a privileged life shaped my perfectionism. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I did fairly well in school and university, but my perfectionism was more pronounced in other aspects of my life, such as my social life. I had a certain picture in my head of how I wanted to be perceived by others, and so, if I felt that I didn’t measure up, I avoided the situation at all costs. I missed out on a lot in life: friendships, networking opportunities, advancements in my careers, traveling and other hobbies.

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Before coming to Christ, I did not know how to love others selflessly.

I grew up in a non-Christian household.  My parents were Asian immigrants who worked hard to provide for our family and I had, what I would describe as, a typical Asian childhood.  My parents had high expectations for me, and as a result, were frequently disappointed.  I remember getting 98% on a math test once and instead of praise or congratulations, my dad’s remark was, “Why didn’t you get 100%?”

Without Christ in my life, I thought that love had to be earned. Love was something given as a reward for doing good and taken away for doing bad. Get straight A’s and you get more love, while getting in trouble meant less love. While there was no doubt in my mind that my parents loved me, I couldn’t help but think that I would be more loved if I met their expectations.

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